Gifts of The Artist’s Way
I began believing the statement, “I am a brilliant and prolific writer” about myself while taking a course in The Artist’s Way in 2013. So much possibility in that statement.
A harsh inner censor still rears its ugly head from time to time when I say those words aloud. The censor says, “who do you think you are? what have you written lately? you don’t even keep your blog current!”
After eight years of morning pages, I see my censor for what he is. I know where he came from and who he represents from my past. And I just chuckle at him. Like Christopher Robin to Winnie-The-Pooh, I say to him, “Silly old Bear,” and I keep going.
I learned that the only way to get better at something is to do it. I first had to unlearn the sage advice of my father, “Don’t let others see you do anything that you don’t do well. If you can’t be the best, find something else to do.” Hmm. Wow, is that how I want to live? I got stuck there for way too long. I was a closet poet and a self-doubting thinker. When it comes to writing, I prefer the wisdom of Rainier Maria Rilke to dear Mr. Kappus:
Ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple “I must,” then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your whole life, even into its humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse.
I found that I must write. I must not care if I look foolish, if others think I’m weird, if my censor judges me. I must simply write, day after day. One synchronistic event led to the next. Within 12 months of taking the course, I found myself on sabbatical in Bali. I put a 20-something-year business career in the rearview mirror. For the next 12 months, I wrote and attended to my surroundings. I lived a year-long artist date with the beautiful collective culture of the Balinese. Ultimately I self-published a book. It freed me to follow my intuition, my true passion, and to the path I’ve chosen now – to be a depth psychotherapist.
The Artist’s Way removed the blocks to my creative highest self. I no longer believe the poisonous playmates who I had previously invited into my world. The way I experienced and perceived myself changed. After the course, I unblushingly began to describe myself as an artist, even to other artists. Ooooh, the audacity! Sculptor, potter, song-writer, singer, painter, designer, . . . who are you? Are you an artist too?
