The Language of Trauma, Part 3: Identity Trauma
Identity trauma occurs when essential aspects of ourselves are met with shame, rejection, or violence. Our race, gender, cultural ethnicity, sexuality, ability, and other aspects that define us can put us at risk for identity trauma. These aspects of ourselves are NOT an affront to anyone else. It is shocking how many examples of identity trauma I bear witness to every day as a psychotherapist. As I write, local protests regarding the increasing number of ICE arrests in Los Angeles have invoked an unprecedented federal response. As individuals and a community, we are left hurting by what is happening to ourselves, our friends, our families, and our colleagues.
Unlike a single event trauma (like a car accident), identity trauma is often chronic and relational. It unfolds through repeated messages, experiences, or systemic structures that communicate: “you are not okay as you are.” These wounds go deep because they target our very sense of self. When we’re young and forming our identity, we rely on caregivers, peers, and culture to reflect back that we belong and are worthy. If instead we are met with criticism, silence, bullying, or rejection around core parts of ourselves, we internalize that rejection. Over time, this internalized shame can fracture our sense of self and limit our capacity to show up authentically in the world. At Rezak Therapy we focus on how to reclaim the parts of us that have been shamed and rejected.
What Does Identity Trauma Look Like?
Identity trauma can come in many forms. Below are a few examples.
A brown child repeatedly disciplined more harshly than their white peers at school, absorbing the message that their presence is threatening.
A queer teen growing up in a religious home where homosexuality is condemned, learning to hide or hate their sexual identity.
A young professional born in the United States in fear of deportation because their parents are undocumented immigrants.
A Muslim woman facing suspicion or microaggressions in public spaces, eroding her sense of safety and dignity.
A sensitive boy being told to “man up” whenever he expresses emotion, eventually disconnecting from his vulnerability and creativity.
An autistic adult masking their natural behaviors for years to avoid ridicule or exclusion.
These experiences often don’t register to most Americans as “trauma.” We know their psychological impact can be severe. Identity trauma can lead to complex PTSD, anxiety, depression, dissociation, chronic people-pleasing, or self-sabotage. Over time, identity trauma may cause us to silence parts of ourselves, wear social masks, or lose connection to our joy and vitality.
A Note on Intersectionality
“In order to navigate the terrain of people’s lives and partner with them to map preferred pathways, we have to be able to see the discursive forest for the trees of individual people’s stories. ”
It’s important to name that identity trauma often happens at the intersection of multiple marginalized identities. A queer, disabled person of color, for instance, may carry layered and compounded traumas that cannot be addressed in isolation. Healing must be culturally responsive, trauma-informed, and attuned to the full complexity of who you are.
Signs You May Be Carrying Identity Trauma
You feel a persistent sense of shame or not-enoughness
You censor yourself in relationships or professional spaces
You’re hyper-aware of how others perceive you
You’ve been called “too much,” “too sensitive,” or “not normal”
You struggle with belonging—even in communities that “should” feel safe
You have internalized negative stereotypes or messages about your group
You feel like you’ve lost touch with who you really are
Six Reflection Questions for Healing
What messages did I receive about who I was as a child?
Were any parts of me rejected, shamed, or punished—explicitly or subtly?
In what ways have I tried to change, hide, or “fix” myself to be accepted?
Are there aspects of my identity I still struggle to fully embrace?
What communities or relationships feel safe enough for me to be fully myself?
What would it mean to honor the parts of me that were silenced?
Healing Modalities and Pathways
Healing identity trauma is not about erasing the past. It is about reclaiming the self that was forced to go underground. Let’s explore some therapeutic modalities that can help.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Parts Work help us reconnect with and care for the younger parts of us that carry shame or fear. For those with identity trauma, IFS can support the unburdening of internalized messages. It's a great way to help us rediscover our authentic self.
Trauma lives in the body. Somatic therapy can bring awareness to the ways we brace, shrink, or disconnect. Learning to inhabit our bodies safely and fully is essential for healing identity trauma.
Trauma often happens in relationship—and so does healing. Surrounding yourself with individuals and communities who affirm your identity and share your lived experience can provide deep relief and a sense of homecoming.
Art, music, poetry, movement are powerful tools for releasing suppressed emotions. They are also pathways to expressing aspects of identity that may not feel safe by words alone.
Los Angeles–Based Healing Spaces for Healing Identity Trauma
Rezak Therapy (Los Angeles/Pasadena) – Holistic, somatic, and depth psychotherapy for identity trauma, creative blocks, and inner healing
The Relational Center – Sliding scale therapy with a focus on community and social justice
NQTTCN (National Queer & Trans Therapists of Color Network) – National directory of affirming providers
LA Commons – Community arts and storytelling projects rooted in cultural identity and healing
Moving Toward Wholeness
Healing from identity trauma is a lifelong process. It involves grieving the parts of yourself you were taught to abandon. It also involves the joy of coming home to yourself, of knowing that you are lovable and worthy just as you are.
Therapy, community, creativity, and spiritual practice can all be powerful allies in this journey. The goal isn’t to “fix” yourself—it’s to remember who you were before the world told you who to be.
At Rezak Therapy in Pasadena, California, we’re here to walk with you on your healing journey. Together, we’ll explore the lifelong messages that are keeping you stuck and help you reconnect with your strength, clarity, and sense of direction. You deserve to feel empowered, connected, and free to live as your full self. Here’s how to get started:
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to explore if trauma therapy is a good fit for you.
Start meeting with an experienced trauma therapist who will guide and support your healing journey.
Rediscover your joy and aliveness.
Other Services Offered at Rezak Therapy in Pasadena, CA
At Rezak Therapy, we're here to help you align with your most authentic self. In addition to trauma therapy, we also offer services for couples moving through transitions in their relationships, therapy groups to support personal growth, and The Artists Way Workshop which is a 12-week group adventure of artistic discovery and personal exploration. For more on trauma therapy and our other services check out our blog.
